he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
