Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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