I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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