it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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