WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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