Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
