This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My bed smells like the plague
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
