At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
