we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
