All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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