every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is Oprah even human
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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