u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i believe in u and ur pee
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