so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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