he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
