I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
