they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Enjoy the penises
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
