I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My friends, they love my intelligence
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
