There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
