TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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