I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
