The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
