My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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