Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
