Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize