well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
