I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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