he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
