I CAN MOONWALK!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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