My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
