I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
