If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
bring money and cleavage
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
