I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
