Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
