I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
