Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
