i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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