Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
