Already got asked if we're dating
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
