i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
