the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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