Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
