I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
honey bunches of taint.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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