We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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