You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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