jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
