I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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