i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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