She announced her abortion via fbk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
