I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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