I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
