32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
