yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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