who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
