i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
