i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
