When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize