All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's the barista slut.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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