I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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