Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
