My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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