Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
