Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
