New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
