That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
