there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
