Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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