I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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