why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Shame - the story of my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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