Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
